Life With Bubblehead
by Red Witch
Summary: Goose finds out the hard way that it's not easy living with a crazy memory bird. And Bubblehead finds out he likes to mambo.


**Once again Bubblehead has taken off with the disclaimer that I don't own any Galaxy Rangers characters. Just a continuation of the story Bubblehead Comes Home. And more nonsense from my deranged brain. **

**Life With Bubblehead**

"I can't believe you actually convinced Goose to have Bubblehead live with him," Zach shook his head at Doc as the two men went to their friend's quarters.

"It will do the Gooseman good to have another bird of a feather to talk to," Doc told him. "Think of it as therapy."

A loud crash was heard inside Shane's quarters.

"DIE YOU STUPID BIRD! DIE! DIE! DIE!" Shane could be heard screaming at the top of his lungs.

"The kind of therapy that gets a person sent to the insane asylum?" Zach gave Doc a look.

"We're **already** in an insane asylum," Doc quipped. "You haven't been paying attention these past few years."

CRASH!

"Awwww…Goosie fall down and go boom!" Bubblehead chirped.

"THAT'S IT BIRD! PREPARE FOR TARGET PRACTICE!" Shane shouted. "JUST WAIT UNTIL I GET MY BLASTERS!"

"Should we go in there?" Zach looked at Doc.

"Might as well, this should be good," Doc chuckled. He easily overrode the security lock and opened the door. "What the…?"

There was toilet paper draped all over the furniture. Globs of shaving cream all over the place and Shane wearing only his boxers throwing whatever objects he could get his hands on at Bubblehead who was flapping around like a deranged giant humming bird. "MAD GOOSE ON THE LOOSE!" Bubblehead shrieked.

He flew at Doc and grabbed him by the head with his wings. "Hide me Doc! The Goose has gone cuckoo!" He hid behind Doc.

"Just give me the bird Doc, and no one will get hurt," Shane had a murderous look in his eye. "Well Bubblehead obviously is going to get hurt…"

"Goose stand down," Zach said with as much authority as he dared when Shane was in one of his moods. "What happened?"

"What happened? Take a look around! What do you think happened? One night! **One night** I agree to have this overcharged hyperactive feather duster stay with me and this happens! **Not **one of your better ideas, Doc," Shane gave him a dark look.

"He kept you up all night didn't he?" Doc tried not to smirk.

"No actually he was rather quiet once I explained to him what I would do with some duct tape, a mallet, some pliers and the garbage disposal if he didn't let me sleep," Shane told him. "However it turns out Bubblehead doesn't **need **to talk to drive me crazy!"

"The place lacked ambiance!" Bubblehead chirped. "The lead pipe connected to the Supertrooper juice!"

"So he TP'd your apartment?" Zach blinked.

"Can you say Fabulous?" Bubblehead chirped. "Now the place has style! Yeah!"

"You want style? How about a memory bird head nailed to the wall?" Shane snapped.

"Why didn't you just lock him in his cage?" Zach asked.

"I did! He got out!" Shane snapped.

"Is that…Shaving cream?" Doc blinked at the globs all over the apartment.

_"Walking in a winter wonderland!"_ Bubblehead sang very badly. "I'd never seen snow before so…"

"Oh you want to see snow? That can be arranged!" Shane growled. "I'll **mail** you to planet Prairie and have you buried during a blizzard!"

"Can't we just try some family counseling?" Bubblehead asked.

"Gooseman let me handle this," Doc sighed. "Bubblehead what's wrong with you? You know better than this."

"Not really," Bubblehead blinked. "I'm kind of clueless at this sort of stuff. I'm more of the philosophy if it feels good do it!"

"Really?" Shane remarked. "So am I!" He made a fist.

"Goose," Zach sighed. "Calm down. I'm sure Doc can program something into him."

"I'm pretty good at programming myself," Shane gave him a look. "Especially with a crowbar."

"You're still mad about me being in bed with you aren't you?" Bubblehead blinked.

"Bubblehead you have to…" Doc did a double take. "SAY WHAT?"

"When I woke up the stupid bird was lying on top of me **singing!"** Shane snapped.

"Somebody needs a hug," Bubblehead said in a sing song voice.

"Somebody needs to get shoved down a **garbage disposal!"** Shane shouted.

"Boy that sounds familiar," Bubblehead blinked. "I wonder where I heard it before."

"That was me saying it **ten minutes** ago!" Shane shouted.

"All right, Goose get dressed…" Zach groaned. "We have a meeting to go to. Doc see what you can do to housebreak the bird."

"That bird is already broken," Shane growled. "But not enough!"

"Goose come on," Doc said. "Bubblehead's just going through a period of adjustment. It just takes a little patience…"

"And a blowtorch…" Shane growled.

"Goose," Zach sighed. "Go on. I'll try to clean some of this mess up. Doc…do something."

"Now I know what people **really** mean when they give someone the bird," Shane grumbled as he went to get dressed.

"One good thing about this is that there's plenty of paper to use," Zach shook his head as he started to clean up. "And a lot of the shaving cream's already on the paper. That saves time."

"Now open up," Doc used his CDU to scan Bubblehead. "Say ahh!"

"AAAAHHHHH!" Bubblehead bleeped as sparks came out of his eyes and head as Doc scanned and tried to program him.

"Let's start with some very simple obedience protocols," Doc sighed. "Pathfinder try to install them."

"Right-O Doc!" The cheerful program zipped out and into Bubblehead.

"YEOW! Hey watch it buster! Invading personal space here!" Bubblehead chirped. "The drain pipe's connected to the S Pipe! The S pipe's connected to the double helix connected to the isotonic perimeters connected to the Iron Falcon connected to the Jackie Subtract!"

"No wonder you're having such trouble," Doc tisked. "Your poor little circuits are half fried."

"Fried memory bird, not a bad idea," Shane said as he came into of the room fully dressed.

"That was quick," Zach blinked.

"We Supertroopers were trained to dress fast," Shane shrugged. "I guess Bubblehead's not the only one who has trouble with his programming."

"I did what I could Doc," The tweaker said before returning to the CDU. "It's a real mess in there!"

"Doc, Doc, Doc," Bubblehead nodded his head from side to side. "That's a funny word. Doc, Doc, Doc…"

He looked at Shane. "GOOSE!" He jumped up and flew to Shane.

And missed him completely slamming into the wall. "Hey! Who put that wall there?" Bubblehead blinked as he lay on the floor.

"This is one nutty bird," Doc shook his head.

"Nutty is an understatement," Shane groaned as he picked up the memory bird. "You okay?"

"Yeah I only hit my head," Bubblehead said cheerfully. "My peripheral vision's slightly off." He whacked himself in the head with his wing a few times. "Ooh! That's better! You've always been blond right?"

"Ohhhhh…" Shane groaned putting a hand to his face. "Doc what have you gotten me into?"

"Put him in his cage and let's go," Zach said. "On the upside the damage isn't too bad."

"Go? Go where? Can I come?" Bubblehead asked cheerfully as Shane put him in his glass case.

"No," Shane ordered.

"Can I come?" Bubblehead asked. "Pretty please with barbecue circuits on top!"

"No! You stay **here!** Just don't **do** anything…" Shane fumed. "Or at the very least nothing that involves a security unit."

"Okay, bye bye…" Bubblehead waved as the rangers left. "Bye, bye…Bye bye…Bye, bye Goosie…I'm gonna miss you so!"

After a minute Bubblehead's eyes sparked. The controls on his cage fizzed and the door popped open. "Oh boy! I made parole!" Bubblehead grinned as he flew out. "It's party time!"

Much later that evening Shane finally made his way to his apartment. "What a day," He grumbled. "All I want is some piece and quiet!"

As he opened the door to his quarters his sensitive ears were assaulted by mambo music. "Which I am **not** going to get!" He groaned. "BUBBLEHEAD!"

"La, la, la, la, la, la!" Bubblehead happily danced around in the small kitchenette to the music. "Everybody mambo! _Hey Mambo! Mambo Italiano!" _

"I'm not even going to **ask **how you got out of your cage," Shane groaned. To his surprise there wasn't a mess. "At least this time you didn't make a mess."

"I made a friend!" Bubblehead chirped happily. "Her name is Miss Toaster!"

"Good for you," Shane was relieved that the apartment was in one piece.

"And then I talked to Mr. Fridge and Mr. Coffee Machine," Bubblehead went on. "Said hello to Mr. And Mrs. Wall. Hung around on the ceiling…"

"Well you had a busy day," Shane said sarcastically as he shut off the music.

"Then I had an energy snack when I hacked into BETA's computers and did some light reading," Bubblehead added. "Hmm…Extra crunchy data! My favorite."

"That's…What did you say?" Shane did a double take.

"I talked to Mr. Coffee," Bubblehead said.

"**After** that," Shane growled.

"After what?"

"After the coffee!"

"What happened after the coffee?"

"Don't play dumb with me bird!" Shane growled a warning.

"Who's playing?" Bubblehead shrugged. "Seriously I don't even remember what we were talking about a minute ago."

"Good," Shane grumbled.

"Oh right. Now I remember. BETA's files. Is it really true that Senator Wheiner was the guy responsible for the whole Wolf Den thing?"

"I don't believe this!" Shane shouted.

"Neither do I," Bubblehead blinked. "From what I've heard the man can barely figure out how to vote much less cause a disaster like that."

"Heard?"

"Heard, hacked into some personal files…" Bubblehead waved his wings. "It's all the same."

"YOU WHAT?" Shane did a double take.

"Relax man," Bubblehead waved. "I may be a Bubblehead but I'm not an idiot! I was in and out like the wind! Smooth as silk baby!"

"Do you have any idea how much trouble we'd **both **be in if you were caught?" Shane growled.

"Don't worry! Nobody likes Wheiner the Weasel either," Bubblehead chirped. "The mainframes and AI units gossip about him all the time! You should hear the language the main computer uses when he's mentioned! Sheesh! Worse than a sailor!"

"Listen to me bird," Shane grabbed him. "Do not tell **anyone **about this!"

"About what?"

"I'm not going through **that **again!" Shane groaned. "Listen if people found out what you did…How the hell did you do that anyway? I mean you've never been able to escape your cage much less go hacking into secure systems!"

"Just because I never did it before doesn't mean I can't do it," Bubblehead told him. "I mean it's like falling down a flight of stairs. Just because you never did it before doesn't mean you can. Oh wait I **have** fallen down a flight of stairs before."

"You crazy…" Shane was losing patience fast. "Why did you…?"

"Well I had to find out why you're so grouchy all the time," Bubblehead told him. "We never talk."

"I can't believe this…" Shane groaned. "Why? Why **me?"**

"I like you, Goose," Bubblehead smiled.

"You couldn't like **Doc** instead?" Shane groaned. "He's the computer expert. He's the one all the computers talk to!"

"I like him, but he doesn't have that special thing we have," Bubblehead hugged him.

"I'm almost afraid to ask what that is…" Shane groaned.

"We have the same…" Bubblehead began.

"Hair style…" Both Shane and Bubblehead finished the sentence.

"I've been in outer space too long," Shane groaned. "If I actually understand **you!**"

"Duh oii! Just a happy Bubblehead!" Bubblehead chirped.

"Out of all the people who've kidnapped you, you had to attach yourself to **me**," Shane left the kitchen.

"You have to admit they weren't exactly after me for my body. But hey if I didn't let people kidnap me I'd never go anywhere," Bubblehead told him. "Besides I had to get away from the palace! I hated that place! The accommodations were okay but the company was awful! And I don't just mean her royal pain in the patootie! Those other memory birds are so stuck up! They think they're so great because they're bigger or shinier or have more updated computer chips!"

"They were jerks to you huh?" Shane asked sitting down, letting Bubblehead rest on his shoulder.

"So I had feathers and they didn't! So what? I think they make me more user friendly," Bubblehead shrugged. "I think they're just jealous. They may be memory birds but we so do not belong to the same flock!"

"I know what that's like," Shane sighed. "What is it about me that I can't get along with my own kind but I **can** get along with every weirdo and nutcase in the universe?"

"I dunno, just lucky I guess," Bubblehead grinned. He touched his wing to Shane's nose. "MEEP!"

"You are never going to shut up are you?" Shane groaned.

"Sorry, it's not in my programming," Bubblehead flew up and landed on his head.

"First thing in the morning I am taking you to Doc to get you fixed or something…" Shane groaned.

"Why? Am I broken?" Bubblehead blinked.

"No, but you **will be** if you can't keep yourself out of trouble," Shane groaned.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Morning came soon enough. Shane was actually able to get a halfway decent night's sleep after spending another hour or two explaining to Bubblehead why it wasn't safe for either Memory Birds or Supertroopers to get caught fooling around with military computers.

_At least the bird's smart enough to let me sleep at night…_Shane thought before he fell asleep. _I need all the energy I can get to deal with it during the day. If only there was a way to shut him off…_

He slept through the night and was awakened by something soft and feathery lying on his chest. "What the…?" Shane blinked.

"Good morning!" Bubblehead lay flat on his stomach, looking into his eyes with an insane grin. "Sleep well Darling?"

"Not again!" Shane moaned. "Bubblehead get off me!"

_"A bird went back to New Jersey!"_ Bubblehead sang loudly as he flew away. _"He was invited to a pizza party! He went there for some barbecue chips and a song! But then_ _some idiot got the pizza order wrong! Hey Mambo!"_

"There are days…" Shane groaned in agony. "Why I wonder why I don't just simply surrender myself to the Cryocrypt and end it all!"

Soon Shane was headed to the computer lab with Bubblehead in his hand to have a little talk with Doc. "I swear if Doc can't do anything to fix your programming…"

As they entered the computer lab Shane saw the **last **thing he wanted to see that morning or any other morning. "Oh no…" He grumbled as Senator Wheiner was complaining about something to Commander Walsh and Q-Ball. "What's **he** doing here?"

"Who's the loser in the cheap toupee?" Bubblehead asked as he got free of Shane's grip and hopped up on his shoulder.

"Senator Wheiner," Shane growled. "What does **he **want?"

"The official version is that he's here on an inspection," Doc told them. He had been observing everything from a corner in the room. "But the reality is he's here trying to get Q-Ball and I to fix his daughter's new sound system because she's driving him crazy."

"A short trip if there ever was one," Shane growled. "Not to mention doing a little snooping if I know him. He's always putting his nose where it doesn't belong."

"Gee and I thought I was the only one that kept misplacing my beak," Bubblehead blinked. "Oh wait I have it on."

"For the **last** time Senator," Walsh was clearly at the end of his rope. "BETA has more pressing concerns and more important priorities than your…personal affairs."

"Yeah so take a number!" Bubblehead chirped. "I was here first!"

"What in the…?" Wheiner did a double take. "Is that a memory bird?"

"Where?" Bubblehead looked around.

"What is a memory bird doing loose here?" Wheiner went to grab Bubblehead from Shane's shoulder.

"Hands off my bird," Shane growled stopping him with a glare.

"**Your** bird? You're joking?" Wheiner gave him a look. "That's like saying a dog owns a goldfish!"

"I'm a bird! Not a fish!" Bubblehead chirped. "What you flunk animal science in fifth grade or something?"

"Why you little…" Wheiner snarled.

"Before you start **screaming** Wheiner," Walsh interrupted. "Any sensitive data has already been removed and analyzed from the bird's system. I have certification from an **entire lab** of scientists that the memory bird itself is defective and is a low priority. Technically the bird is useless so…"

"So you gave it to Gooseman," Wheiner sneered. "A defective Supertrooper owning a defective memory bird! How appropriate." He stormed away with a huff.

"Them's fighting words mister!" Bubblehead frowned. Shane held him back. "Let me at him! Let me at him!"

"Down bird," Shane hissed. "You want to put us **both** on ice?"

"Brilliant time for that bird to be acting up," Walsh groaned as he followed Wheiner outside.

"The Senator is so **charming**," Doc said sarcastically. "Always fills a room with happiness. Especially when he leaves."

"Nobody calls **my** Goose defective and gets away with it!" Bubblehead snorted as he escaped Shane's grasp and flew off. "Time to reach out and bite someone!"

"Oh no!" Shane ran off after Bubblehead, but to his surprise the bird was faster than he looked.

"Where did he go?" Doc followed Shane.

"I don't know! You know how he tends to wander around!" Shane snapped. "I was hoping you'd cure him of that little habit!"

"That's like curing you of your ability to crash land nearly every ship you fly," Doc smirked.

"This is serious Doc!" Shane snapped. "If Bubblehead tries to peck a hole in Wheiner's empty head we're all going to be in for it!"

"You're right," Doc nodded. "We'd better get him before we end up on a one way ticket to Pluto for life!"

"If we're lucky," Shane groaned.

However the memory bird proved to be surprisingly hard to find. He wasn't even anywhere near Wheiner. After several hours neither man could find the bird and ended up at the rec room, exhausted and in defeat. "How am I going to explain to the Commander that we lost Bubblehead in less than two days?" Shane groaned.

"What do you mean we?" Doc gave him a look. "He's your bird!"

"Well you were supposed to fix him!" Shane snapped.

"Me?"

"You're the computer expert!"

"Not even my expertise could fix that bubble headed bird brained…"

"Hey Guys!" Bubblehead landed on Shane's head. "What's new?"

"Bubblehead!" Shane and Doc said at the same time.

"Where have you been?" Shane grabbed him.

"Where **haven't** I been?" Bubblehead quipped.

"Bubblehead you can't just…" Shane began.

They were interrupted by a news report on the Tri-D. "We interrupt this program for this breaking news. Senator Wheiner has been arrested!"

"What?" Both Shane and Doc said at the same time.

"Oh goody they got my message!" Bubblehead grinned.

"Who got what message?" Shane asked.

"The local fuzz," Bubblehead hummed the theme from Dragnet. "Or rather their computers."

"Say **what?**" Doc did a double take.

"What did you **do?**" Shane looked at the bird. Bubblehead just grinned and laughed.

"Apparently there was a warrant out for the Senator's arrest for a variety of charges," The reporter said as a picture of Wheiner resisting arrest was shown. "Drunk driving, littering…Murdering a **vacuum cleaner?"**

Both Shane and Doc looked at Bubblehead. "It's all a matter of sweet talking the ladies," Bubblehead winked. "That security computer is a real doll!"

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN DRUNK DRIVING? I'VE NEVER EVEN GOTTEN A PARKING TICKET, MUCH LESS…" Wheiner ranted until one of the officers pulled out a bottle of wine from his limo. "I've never seen that before in my life."

"Okay I gotta admit **that **was a lucky break," Bubblehead blinked.

"This bird isn't just nutty," Doc blinked. "It's **insane!"**

"THIS IS RIDICULOUS! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?" Wheiner was dragged to the squad car. "I'LL SUE! YOU HEAR ME! I'LL SUE!"

"How did you do that?" Doc yelled at Bubblehead.

"Do what?" Bubblehead asked. "What did I do?"

"Doc…" Shane blinked. "Something tells me that Bubblehead is a lot smarter than he looks."

"I am?" Bubblehead blinked. "Wow! I didn't know that!"

"There is **no way** Bubblehead could have done this…" Doc walked away stunned. "It's all a coincidence. Yeah…That's it A coincidence. Of course. A glitch in the system. Happens all the time. What a relief. Now my world makes sense again."

"Senator Wheiner has been sent to the psychiatric wing of the local hospital for twenty four hour observation," The reporter reported. "Apparently according to the security computers he has been categorized as borderline psychotic. Well he is an elected official…"

"You know what Bubblehead?" Shane grinned. "This might work out after all."


End file.
